Lubbock has finally had it's first encounter with winter this year--which I love. When I say I love winter, I mean I could run around and make snow men or sit inside and drink hot coco and look out of the window with my rabbit all day--every day. I love, love, love it. What I do NOT love about the cold weather is having to ride my bike to school in the 2 degree weather. Even when fully clothed it is a little rough, but so worth it. I was graciously given boots by my parents over Christmas break and finally had a legitimate excuse to wear them. Anyways, apparently the winter weather does not like me as much as I adore it. Somehow, (even though I wore a lot of clothes Mom) I got sick. When I mean sick, I mean, sick. At first I thought I was coughing from breathing in the cold air, but then the fever hit and so did the pain. I spent my weekend in a Nyquil induced coma-like state. I have never slept for days, until now. It was intense. It took me a while to realize that I was "sick, sick." On Tuesday, I was finally able to drive and was feeling a lot better so ventured to the Dr., I think a little too late. I was already past the worst part but he gave me some cough meds and a "note." So, I was starting to feel better and slowly building up energy and let my immune system catch up. I realized I was very behind in school and have been mad crazy catching up, but as I just found out, I couldn't turn back the clock all the way. I was certain that I could pull off a good grade for my exam--I was wrong. I failed my first last exam. BUT IT'S OVER! Tomorrow is our Vertical Plains Climbing Competition, get ready for some awesome pictures!
--Samantha
Lesson Learned Today:
I have a fatal attraction to winter.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
longest post ever.
i repent, i repent of my pursuit of america's dream
i repent, i repent of living like i deserve anything
of my house, my fence my kids, my wife
in our suburb where we're safe and white
i am wrong and of these things i repent
i repent, i repent of parading my liberty
i repent, i repent of living like i deserve anything
of my house, my fence my kids, my wife
in our suburb where we're safe and white
i am wrong and of these things i repent
i repent, i repent of parading my liberty
i repent. i repent of paying for what i get for free
and for the way i believe that i am living right
by trading sins for others that are easier to hide
i am wrong and of these things i repent
i repent judging by a law that even i can't keep
of wearing righteousness like a disguise
to see through the planks in my own eyes
i repent, i repent of trading truth for false unity
i repent, i repent of confusing peace and idolatry
by caring more of what they think than what i know of what we need
by domesticating you until you look just like me
i am wrong and of these things i repent
So, a few weeks ago I went into the gas station next to my house to get gas. I was already frustrated because my card never works outside and I had to go in. There was a really long line (which didn't make me any happier) and it was late. There was this older man who looks a little rough--his shirt and jeans were old and he had a half grown beard. He reminded me of my dad, a man that you see and you think "wow that guy must really work hard and work with his hands." and he was also funny like him. He had a few pre-made sandwiches, some cokes, and a candy bar. When it's his turn to check out he tries to make small talk. He is really nice guy and says "yeah, I'm from Snyder, drove two hours last night because my girlfriend has to get a blood transplant." The clerk didn't even acknowledge him. The man, says a few small jokes to off set the situation and the clerk didn't respond to any of them. He then shuts off (because clearly the guy behind the counter couldn't care less.) I was so angry, my heart seriously broke for this guy. He was probably scared and worried, tired, and he just needed somebody to acknowledge him and just listen--he needed empathy. I thought the clerk was a jerk and was annoyed by him. Then, I looked at the line behind me and it was massive. This man who was working was probably having a really hard day too. The man was working late on a Saturday night in a gas station where the line was packed. Nobody likes to work on a Saturday night and if he had a family then that sucks and even if he didn't it sucked just as much. Regardless, both of these men were just stuck. They could only see what was right in front of them and what they needed. They both just needed Love. That's it.
Him.
In Lubbock I have seen so many things that you wont see in Sugar Land. Two months ago I called the police at two in the morning. It was pretty cold outside and this mom (who looked really bad) were walking around in the walmart parking lot asking for money so they would have a place to stay at night. I didn't know what to do. I mean who wants to be the reason why a mom looses her child but, what else would you do. This mom was begging. This little boy who could barely walk was out in the cold and being used as a tool to get money. I called the police just to get an answering machine. I furious.
Maybe two weeks after that I was getting gas when a little boy walks up to me and asks if I had a dollar (yet again I didn't) and I look up and there are two other boys and a dad looking through the dumpster for food. I couldn't bring myself to do anything. I just got in my car and cried. Can you imagine that being your childhood? I mean movies like The Blind Side become award winning movies and we praise her actions yet we leave and don't even think about it. We see people hurting...dying and we don't care. We care more debating evolution, predestination, the fact that Mike Leach (who is loaded) is out of a job and if Obama is an American because he wont show us his birth certificate. What if we just cared about other people, the starving, the bleeding, the ones who have been turned away from the church, the homeless..
...the ones who have given up on Jesus because Jesus' followers have given up on them.
We do things to make ourselves feel better about the situation we see a homeless man drinking a McDonalds coffee and we think "look he wasted that money on junk food" but, where is his coffee pot? We tell ourselves that this is the land of equal opportunities. That is a lie. When will we realize it. We have an amazing country and I couldn't be thankful for the 100,000's of men and women who have given their lives for me to sit in a coffee shop. I don't thank God nearly enough. I am blessed. This isn't about that. It's about the fact that a person who is from a poor neighborhood doesn't have the same chances as someone who is from a wealthy neighborhood. Things just aren't as equal as we would like to think they are. Some people are stuck in an endless cycle and need people to Love them. They need us to give them grace. mercy. respect. We don't care. We don't care at all about these homeless or even the homeless children. We see what is in front of us, what we need. We are all struggling to make it each day. to deal with that new person at work who is a jerk, traffic, paying bills, trying to break habits, trying to not worry about what others think. Lubbock doesn't have a homeless shelter within 100 miles--yet we have one of the highest in the nation and is right in the middle of the bible belt and has one of the highest amount of churches. This past weekend there was a massive freeze. Branches were falling, ice everywhere and a lot of snowmen. It was AWESOME. I was so excited and got to play in the snow because two days of school was canceled. But, what about those who don't have a place to stay? I didn't even think about them. When will we see others like Jesus does. When can we love them like He does. When will I do these things. I am so thankful for Jesus' grace because I need it the most. Just like Paul wrote
"Christ Jesus came into the world to save the sinners--of whom I am the worst."
Thanks Jesus.
and for the way i believe that i am living right
by trading sins for others that are easier to hide
i am wrong and of these things i repent
i repent judging by a law that even i can't keep
of wearing righteousness like a disguise
to see through the planks in my own eyes
i repent, i repent of trading truth for false unity
i repent, i repent of confusing peace and idolatry
by caring more of what they think than what i know of what we need
by domesticating you until you look just like me
i am wrong and of these things i repent
So, a few weeks ago I went into the gas station next to my house to get gas. I was already frustrated because my card never works outside and I had to go in. There was a really long line (which didn't make me any happier) and it was late. There was this older man who looks a little rough--his shirt and jeans were old and he had a half grown beard. He reminded me of my dad, a man that you see and you think "wow that guy must really work hard and work with his hands." and he was also funny like him. He had a few pre-made sandwiches, some cokes, and a candy bar. When it's his turn to check out he tries to make small talk. He is really nice guy and says "yeah, I'm from Snyder, drove two hours last night because my girlfriend has to get a blood transplant." The clerk didn't even acknowledge him. The man, says a few small jokes to off set the situation and the clerk didn't respond to any of them. He then shuts off (because clearly the guy behind the counter couldn't care less.) I was so angry, my heart seriously broke for this guy. He was probably scared and worried, tired, and he just needed somebody to acknowledge him and just listen--he needed empathy. I thought the clerk was a jerk and was annoyed by him. Then, I looked at the line behind me and it was massive. This man who was working was probably having a really hard day too. The man was working late on a Saturday night in a gas station where the line was packed. Nobody likes to work on a Saturday night and if he had a family then that sucks and even if he didn't it sucked just as much. Regardless, both of these men were just stuck. They could only see what was right in front of them and what they needed. They both just needed Love. That's it.
Him.
In Lubbock I have seen so many things that you wont see in Sugar Land. Two months ago I called the police at two in the morning. It was pretty cold outside and this mom (who looked really bad) were walking around in the walmart parking lot asking for money so they would have a place to stay at night. I didn't know what to do. I mean who wants to be the reason why a mom looses her child but, what else would you do. This mom was begging. This little boy who could barely walk was out in the cold and being used as a tool to get money. I called the police just to get an answering machine. I furious.
Maybe two weeks after that I was getting gas when a little boy walks up to me and asks if I had a dollar (yet again I didn't) and I look up and there are two other boys and a dad looking through the dumpster for food. I couldn't bring myself to do anything. I just got in my car and cried. Can you imagine that being your childhood? I mean movies like The Blind Side become award winning movies and we praise her actions yet we leave and don't even think about it. We see people hurting...dying and we don't care. We care more debating evolution, predestination, the fact that Mike Leach (who is loaded) is out of a job and if Obama is an American because he wont show us his birth certificate. What if we just cared about other people, the starving, the bleeding, the ones who have been turned away from the church, the homeless..
...the ones who have given up on Jesus because Jesus' followers have given up on them.
We do things to make ourselves feel better about the situation we see a homeless man drinking a McDonalds coffee and we think "look he wasted that money on junk food" but, where is his coffee pot? We tell ourselves that this is the land of equal opportunities. That is a lie. When will we realize it. We have an amazing country and I couldn't be thankful for the 100,000's of men and women who have given their lives for me to sit in a coffee shop. I don't thank God nearly enough. I am blessed. This isn't about that. It's about the fact that a person who is from a poor neighborhood doesn't have the same chances as someone who is from a wealthy neighborhood. Things just aren't as equal as we would like to think they are. Some people are stuck in an endless cycle and need people to Love them. They need us to give them grace. mercy. respect. We don't care. We don't care at all about these homeless or even the homeless children. We see what is in front of us, what we need. We are all struggling to make it each day. to deal with that new person at work who is a jerk, traffic, paying bills, trying to break habits, trying to not worry about what others think. Lubbock doesn't have a homeless shelter within 100 miles--yet we have one of the highest in the nation and is right in the middle of the bible belt and has one of the highest amount of churches. This past weekend there was a massive freeze. Branches were falling, ice everywhere and a lot of snowmen. It was AWESOME. I was so excited and got to play in the snow because two days of school was canceled. But, what about those who don't have a place to stay? I didn't even think about them. When will we see others like Jesus does. When can we love them like He does. When will I do these things. I am so thankful for Jesus' grace because I need it the most. Just like Paul wrote
"Christ Jesus came into the world to save the sinners--of whom I am the worst."
Thanks Jesus.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Two Weeks.
Two weeks until I am free!! I can't wait to be done with school.
Papers, papers, papers, papers, oh and a final, then more papers.
Good thing that I LOVE my major.
Almost done!
Three semesters until I have that very expensive piece of paper.
I know i need you
I need to love you
I love to see you, and its been so long
i long to feel you
i feel this need for you'
and i need to hear you
is that so wrong?
oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh
now you pulled me near you
when we're close i fear you
still im afraid to tell you
all that i've done
are you done forgiving?
or can you look pass my pretending?
Lord i'm so tired of defending
what i've become
what have i become?
i hear you say "my love is over,
its underneath, its inside, its in between
the times you doubt me, when you can't feel
the times that you've questioned 'is this for real?'
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate me and the times that you bend
well my love is over, its underneath
its inside, its in between,
these times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry and *are tempted* to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain
im there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
im there through your heartache
im there in the storm
my love i will keep you by my power alone
i dont care where you've fallen, where you have been
i'll never forsake you
my love never ends, it never ends."
Papers, papers, papers, papers, oh and a final, then more papers.
Good thing that I LOVE my major.
Almost done!
Three semesters until I have that very expensive piece of paper.
I know i need you
I need to love you
I love to see you, and its been so long
i long to feel you
i feel this need for you'
and i need to hear you
is that so wrong?
oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh
now you pulled me near you
when we're close i fear you
still im afraid to tell you
all that i've done
are you done forgiving?
or can you look pass my pretending?
Lord i'm so tired of defending
what i've become
what have i become?
i hear you say "my love is over,
its underneath, its inside, its in between
the times you doubt me, when you can't feel
the times that you've questioned 'is this for real?'
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate me and the times that you bend
well my love is over, its underneath
its inside, its in between,
these times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry and *are tempted* to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain
im there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
im there through your heartache
im there in the storm
my love i will keep you by my power alone
i dont care where you've fallen, where you have been
i'll never forsake you
my love never ends, it never ends."
Sunday, October 4, 2009
The Rescuers Down Under
So, I finally feel like I am in one of those movies with animals that talk and run away from the "humans" to save the world. Let me start this story off with a little background history. Andrew, my boyfriend, has a snake named Monty-a ball python. gross, I know. Well, he eats live rats and as a mammal lover this has been really hard for me. The last two rats have had died in vain. The first one attacked Monty and so Andrew let him outside the second died in the cage because Andrew forgot to feed it. Well, this third rat still has not been eaten by Monty so I decided that since I am such a humanitarian I should make sure it has water and a carrot so it doesn't die in vain. I mean, this rat is in an intense scary movie...its just waiting to die. So, Andrew went out of town this weekend so I went over there to give him water. I stick my hand in there and put the water in front of him and that rat BIT ME! I screamed, said a few course words, and drew my hand in. When I did this he flew out of the cage. I tried to catch him but he crawled into the couch. I waited and tried to get him. Finally I see him run towards Andrew's recyling center. He has different tubs of paper, plastic, aluminum and glass (which of course he hasn't taken out in a LONG time.) I was so angry at this rat that I pulled out a broom and tried to get him. The rat hid in it and I, in anger, destroyed all of the tubs and flipped them over. The rat charged at me and I ran and screamed. Having my pride hurt I decided to stand guard and wait on him to come out. However, he out waited me and I never saw him again...he better be saving a little boy in Austrailia right now.
I have lost the battle but not the war.
I have lost the battle but not the war.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Bird Killer??
Today as I was looking for houses I was driving down the street and out of NO WHERE!!!! a sparrow flew right into my car. It was sad. I got out of my car to find him on the side of the road. I rushed to the Wildlife Rehabilitation Center and half way there it starts to fly EVERYWHERE. I screamed a lot and then finally got it there. I hope that it is alive!! I did my best. :)
It was the first animal I hit and I was just really thankful that it wasn't a cat or dog. :) No damage to the car...only my heart! haha.
Three days ago I saw a dove that had been hit by a car and sent it there! Now i had to write that I HIT IT! Aye. a time for everything...right? :)
I just started today "my utmost for his highest" as of today its pretty good!
Signed,
Bird Killer/Saver?
It was the first animal I hit and I was just really thankful that it wasn't a cat or dog. :) No damage to the car...only my heart! haha.
Three days ago I saw a dove that had been hit by a car and sent it there! Now i had to write that I HIT IT! Aye. a time for everything...right? :)
I just started today "my utmost for his highest" as of today its pretty good!
Signed,
Bird Killer/Saver?
Saturday, June 6, 2009
goodbyes and hellos.
So, I'm very bad at writing in this thing and slightly inept when it comes to it. Today is a bitter sweet day. We are saying goodbye to my boss. Jordan was the person who started the Outdoor Pursuits Center at Texas Tech. The program that I am in is one of its kind and is being copied by other environmental education programs across America. He is known nation wide and admired. The O.P.C. is more than a job to any of us...it's a family. Spending weekends on trips leading, four hour work shifts, and giving/receiving feedback really gives you the opportunity to learn about others. It's hard though and this job has pushed me in sooo many ways.
So, awesome.
While I will miss the long haired hippie I am thankful for all that I've learned and I'm excited to see what is in the future for our program!
One of the coolest parts of our bosses is that they are more worried with grades than any part of our job. They push us to learn time management but to keep our focus on the things that are most important-grades and family.
I finally met with my professor for the research that I'm starting! She has me starting off by reading an article on pro-anna websites and then reading a real interview and taking notes as I analyze. Its confidential so I'm not allowed to even talk about it. It's sooo cool and I'm so excited to start. BUT! summer school has started so I'm making myself catch up there before I can read for research...bummer!!! She is being so nice and keeps reassuring me that there is no time limit and that once again school is way more important!
Super busy but super excited!
God is awesome.
who would have thought it would all be this way...
My new favorite chapter...
Psalm 46
So, awesome.
While I will miss the long haired hippie I am thankful for all that I've learned and I'm excited to see what is in the future for our program!
One of the coolest parts of our bosses is that they are more worried with grades than any part of our job. They push us to learn time management but to keep our focus on the things that are most important-grades and family.
I finally met with my professor for the research that I'm starting! She has me starting off by reading an article on pro-anna websites and then reading a real interview and taking notes as I analyze. Its confidential so I'm not allowed to even talk about it. It's sooo cool and I'm so excited to start. BUT! summer school has started so I'm making myself catch up there before I can read for research...bummer!!! She is being so nice and keeps reassuring me that there is no time limit and that once again school is way more important!
Super busy but super excited!
God is awesome.
who would have thought it would all be this way...
My new favorite chapter...
Psalm 46
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
pride.
So, this semester was crazy, beautiful, and filled with an over abundance of learning.
For the first time in my life I actually made good grades...3.5. For me this is monumental. However, I was really frustrated because in a course I actually earned an A but was given a B. It was horrible because for once I worked really hard and felt like I did not get the reward that I deserved...I felt cheated. I then remembered what a professor told me a few months ago (ironically talking about a test in this same class.) She told me that sometimes grades don't show the work that we really put into a class but, it's really about what we learn...not the grades. She is totally right. The grade I got in this class doesn't affect anything. nothing. it has NO eternal value. What does though, is the people who i will be able to help with what I learned from this class. I took it very seriously and i feel better prepared to deal with someone who has an eating disorder. I know warning signs. how to discuss issues and what helping really looks like. what actions are detrimental to healing. how to deal with treatment facilities and how to register a person. i have a better understanding of the thought process of a person and how to have a sense of empathy. even learned therapy strategies and how to push a person towards recovery.
grades don't matter. people matter.
Worrying about ONE grade is so selfish. I was more worried about my pride and proving to myself that I was capable of making a good grade and forgot about my purpose of being in college. For me it's not about the money. If I was worried about money I wouldn't be a HDFS major. Its about the people. its about living and allowing others to live. its about showing others freedom. the ultimate freedom...Him. Nothing else matters. its a number. how can a number compare to a life...to an impact. to ever think that i deserve anything...wow. sometimes god tells you so much through one situation.
This semester i also learned....
-the word faith sums up my life
-the hardest part of school is making time
-i'm in love with my major
-coffee gets expensive
-the best way to relax is to go climb real rocks
-pictures are fun
-don't walk and take a picture...it breaks cameras if you fall.
-he still loves...even when i don't
-God provieds...even if its a strangers climbing shoes for three weeks
-to some extent friends come before school
-Thai food is AMAZING!!
-starting prank wars can become dangerous
-sometimes loving is hard...especially if you work with them
-24 is the most ridiculous show
-24 is an addicting show
-so is private practice
-stir fry is the best meal
-colleges like to rip you off with all of the hidden fees "transporation fee?!" I BIKE!
-painting a house is hard but fun
-things get out of wack fast if life is not in scripture
-strawberrys are great
-bible study comes before school
-sewing is a nice way to be cheap
For the first time in my life I actually made good grades...3.5. For me this is monumental. However, I was really frustrated because in a course I actually earned an A but was given a B. It was horrible because for once I worked really hard and felt like I did not get the reward that I deserved...I felt cheated. I then remembered what a professor told me a few months ago (ironically talking about a test in this same class.) She told me that sometimes grades don't show the work that we really put into a class but, it's really about what we learn...not the grades. She is totally right. The grade I got in this class doesn't affect anything. nothing. it has NO eternal value. What does though, is the people who i will be able to help with what I learned from this class. I took it very seriously and i feel better prepared to deal with someone who has an eating disorder. I know warning signs. how to discuss issues and what helping really looks like. what actions are detrimental to healing. how to deal with treatment facilities and how to register a person. i have a better understanding of the thought process of a person and how to have a sense of empathy. even learned therapy strategies and how to push a person towards recovery.
grades don't matter. people matter.
Worrying about ONE grade is so selfish. I was more worried about my pride and proving to myself that I was capable of making a good grade and forgot about my purpose of being in college. For me it's not about the money. If I was worried about money I wouldn't be a HDFS major. Its about the people. its about living and allowing others to live. its about showing others freedom. the ultimate freedom...Him. Nothing else matters. its a number. how can a number compare to a life...to an impact. to ever think that i deserve anything...wow. sometimes god tells you so much through one situation.
This semester i also learned....
-the word faith sums up my life
-the hardest part of school is making time
-i'm in love with my major
-coffee gets expensive
-the best way to relax is to go climb real rocks
-pictures are fun
-don't walk and take a picture...it breaks cameras if you fall.
-he still loves...even when i don't
-God provieds...even if its a strangers climbing shoes for three weeks
-to some extent friends come before school
-Thai food is AMAZING!!
-starting prank wars can become dangerous
-sometimes loving is hard...especially if you work with them
-24 is the most ridiculous show
-24 is an addicting show
-so is private practice
-stir fry is the best meal
-colleges like to rip you off with all of the hidden fees "transporation fee?!" I BIKE!
-painting a house is hard but fun
-things get out of wack fast if life is not in scripture
-strawberrys are great
-bible study comes before school
-sewing is a nice way to be cheap
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