Two Weeks.

Two weeks until I am free!! I can't wait to be done with school.
Papers, papers, papers, papers, oh and a final, then more papers.
Good thing that I LOVE my major.
Almost done!
Three semesters until I have that very expensive piece of paper.



I know i need you
I need to love you
I love to see you, and its been so long
i long to feel you
i feel this need for you'
and i need to hear you
is that so wrong?
oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh
now you pulled me near you
when we're close i fear you
still im afraid to tell you
all that i've done
are you done forgiving?
or can you look pass my pretending?
Lord i'm so tired of defending
what i've become
what have i become?
i hear you say "my love is over,
its underneath, its inside, its in between
the times you doubt me, when you can't feel
the times that you've questioned 'is this for real?'
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate me and the times that you bend
well my love is over, its underneath
its inside, its in between,
these times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry and *are tempted* to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain
im there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
im there through your heartache
im there in the storm
my love i will keep you by my power alone
i dont care where you've fallen, where you have been
i'll never forsake you
my love never ends, it never ends."

The Rescuers Down Under

So, I finally feel like I am in one of those movies with animals that talk and run away from the "humans" to save the world. Let me start this story off with a little background history. Andrew, my boyfriend, has a snake named Monty-a ball python. gross, I know. Well, he eats live rats and as a mammal lover this has been really hard for me. The last two rats have had died in vain. The first one attacked Monty and so Andrew let him outside the second died in the cage because Andrew forgot to feed it. Well, this third rat still has not been eaten by Monty so I decided that since I am such a humanitarian I should make sure it has water and a carrot so it doesn't die in vain. I mean, this rat is in an intense scary movie...its just waiting to die. So, Andrew went out of town this weekend so I went over there to give him water. I stick my hand in there and put the water in front of him and that rat BIT ME! I screamed, said a few course words, and drew my hand in. When I did this he flew out of the cage. I tried to catch him but he crawled into the couch. I waited and tried to get him. Finally I see him run towards Andrew's recyling center. He has different tubs of paper, plastic, aluminum and glass (which of course he hasn't taken out in a LONG time.) I was so angry at this rat that I pulled out a broom and tried to get him. The rat hid in it and I, in anger, destroyed all of the tubs and flipped them over. The rat charged at me and I ran and screamed. Having my pride hurt I decided to stand guard and wait on him to come out. However, he out waited me and I never saw him again...he better be saving a little boy in Austrailia right now.


I have lost the battle but not the war.

Bird Killer??

Today as I was looking for houses I was driving down the street and out of NO WHERE!!!! a sparrow flew right into my car. It was sad. I got out of my car to find him on the side of the road. I rushed to the Wildlife Rehabilitation Center and half way there it starts to fly EVERYWHERE. I screamed a lot and then finally got it there. I hope that it is alive!! I did my best. :)


It was the first animal I hit and I was just really thankful that it wasn't a cat or dog. :) No damage to the car...only my heart! haha.

Three days ago I saw a dove that had been hit by a car and sent it there! Now i had to write that I HIT IT! Aye. a time for everything...right? :)


I just started today "my utmost for his highest" as of today its pretty good!



Signed,

Bird Killer/Saver?

goodbyes and hellos.

So, I'm very bad at writing in this thing and slightly inept when it comes to it. Today is a bitter sweet day. We are saying goodbye to my boss. Jordan was the person who started the Outdoor Pursuits Center at Texas Tech. The program that I am in is one of its kind and is being copied by other environmental education programs across America. He is known nation wide and admired. The O.P.C. is more than a job to any of us...it's a family. Spending weekends on trips leading, four hour work shifts, and giving/receiving feedback really gives you the opportunity to learn about others. It's hard though and this job has pushed me in sooo many ways.

So, awesome.

While I will miss the long haired hippie I am thankful for all that I've learned and I'm excited to see what is in the future for our program!

One of the coolest parts of our bosses is that they are more worried with grades than any part of our job. They push us to learn time management but to keep our focus on the things that are most important-grades and family.

I finally met with my professor for the research that I'm starting! She has me starting off by reading an article on pro-anna websites and then reading a real interview and taking notes as I analyze. Its confidential so I'm not allowed to even talk about it. It's sooo cool and I'm so excited to start. BUT! summer school has started so I'm making myself catch up there before I can read for research...bummer!!! She is being so nice and keeps reassuring me that there is no time limit and that once again school is way more important!


Super busy but super excited!

God is awesome.


who would have thought it would all be this way...

My new favorite chapter...
Psalm 46

pride.

So, this semester was crazy, beautiful, and filled with an over abundance of learning.

For the first time in my life I actually made good grades...3.5. For me this is monumental. However, I was really frustrated because in a course I actually earned an A but was given a B. It was horrible because for once I worked really hard and felt like I did not get the reward that I deserved...I felt cheated. I then remembered what a professor told me a few months ago (ironically talking about a test in this same class.) She told me that sometimes grades don't show the work that we really put into a class but, it's really about what we learn...not the grades. She is totally right. The grade I got in this class doesn't affect anything. nothing. it has NO eternal value. What does though, is the people who i will be able to help with what I learned from this class. I took it very seriously and i feel better prepared to deal with someone who has an eating disorder. I know warning signs. how to discuss issues and what helping really looks like. what actions are detrimental to healing. how to deal with treatment facilities and how to register a person. i have a better understanding of the thought process of a person and how to have a sense of empathy. even learned therapy strategies and how to push a person towards recovery.

grades don't matter. people matter.

Worrying about ONE grade is so selfish. I was more worried about my pride and proving to myself that I was capable of making a good grade and forgot about my purpose of being in college. For me it's not about the money. If I was worried about money I wouldn't be a HDFS major. Its about the people. its about living and allowing others to live. its about showing others freedom. the ultimate freedom...Him. Nothing else matters. its a number. how can a number compare to a life...to an impact. to ever think that i deserve anything...wow. sometimes god tells you so much through one situation.

This semester i also learned....
-the word faith sums up my life
-the hardest part of school is making time
-i'm in love with my major
-coffee gets expensive
-the best way to relax is to go climb real rocks
-pictures are fun
-don't walk and take a picture...it breaks cameras if you fall.
-he still loves...even when i don't
-God provieds...even if its a strangers climbing shoes for three weeks
-to some extent friends come before school
-Thai food is AMAZING!!
-starting prank wars can become dangerous
-sometimes loving is hard...especially if you work with them
-24 is the most ridiculous show
-24 is an addicting show
-so is private practice
-stir fry is the best meal
-colleges like to rip you off with all of the hidden fees "transporation fee?!" I BIKE!
-painting a house is hard but fun
-things get out of wack fast if life is not in scripture
-strawberrys are great
-bible study comes before school
-sewing is a nice way to be cheap

sing his love.

Father, long before creation Thou hadst chosen us in love

And that love so deep, so moving

Draws us close to Christ above Still it keeps us, still it keeps us

Firmly fixed in Christ alone

Chorus: And the world will sing His love Yes, the world will sign

His love And we'll all join hands

Every woman, every man And sing His love We'll sing

His love Though the world may change its fashion

Yet our God is ever the same

His compassion and His covenant

Through all ages will remain God's own children, God's own children

Must forever praise His name God so love us, God so loved us

That His only Son He came

God's compassion is my story

It is my boasting all the day Mercy free and never failing

Moves my will, directs my way

I really want to start singing to this song out loud...however, social stigma keeps me from singing.

Hodgepodge.

Two Favorite Songs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrMmr1oMPGA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amwVyRH2B8A
^^ Tim I think you may really like this song!

Today, my friend Matt and I went through the book of Jonah. I never really read the old testament so I'm trying to work through the different books to learn about God's character. Wow! It's been so crazy seeing compassion. Hosea was so encouraging and such an amazing reminder of God's love and compassion. However, Jonah I found was frustrating. I wasn't sure why I didn't like the book. Then I realized it...


I'm just like Jonah.

I run from God and I hide. But, even more than that I want other people to have justice when I want mercy. I see others and I want them to "get what they deserve." And I get frustrated when they don't. Dusty, my preacher, has been talking about this a lot lately. We have this desire for America's standard of fairness instead of God's justice and compassion.

We want fairness. But, God isn't fair...He is just. If we had it fair then we would have death. But God decided to take it onto himself and bring justice forth.

I don't think I can fully understand it.

In Jonah God creates this tree that shades Jonah and then he has a worm come and eat it and Jonah gets angry and mourns the tree. He keeps telling God he would rather be dead.
He mourned the death of a tree and yet couldn't comprehend the death of the beings God created.

In the book SexGod by Rob Bell he talks about how we put labels onto people and see them more as their label than a child of God. He had a few examples; one was this man fighting in Iraq. He had a shoot out with some Iraqi's and then took them prisoners. As he did this man gave him a note and asked him to give it to his father. the soilder said at once this Iraqi became a son....he was a person...not a label. Or Rob Bell had a prostitue come in to his office saying she was going to kill herself and wanted to know if she would go to Heaven or Hell. Bell started to talk to her to find out she had a daughter named faith. At that moment she went from prostitute to a mother...a person...a being.

What if Jonah had seen the people of Nineveh as humans? What if he had seen God's compassion and been joyful?

What if I saw people as God's children.

What if I could get joy when they get compassion and a second chance?

What if I wanted mercy for everyone and not just myself?



I think its also interesting that the Ninevth people were not affected by Jonah's pitty party. It only hurt him. He sat there in a booth on the outside of the land and had a massive self pitty party.

He was so distressed that he wanted to die. To die seemed like a better way to deal with what happend. He couldn't see past what was done to him to see the beauty of God and to see that God was loving and merciful.

Jonah chose to keep his eyes inward.

Some days I think people should call me Jonah.

boycotts.

So, today I woke and decided that today I will boycott school.


Okay, maybe that is a lie. However, I decided to come up to the J&B to sit, read, and listen to music and not touch my school work for quite some time. This week I need to study for my Contemporary Family Exam and my Eating Disorders Exam. I feel very comfortable with the tests however, my ED teacher decided to bombard us with a MAJOR project that is due within three weeks.

I will boycott school.

I'm very excited/nervous about this weekend. I will be getting my certification for "Wilderness First Aid" I will learn how to stabilize someones spine, evacuate a patient from the outdoors, know how to splint/stabilize broken bones, etc. It will be really exciting to know how to do all of these.

Last week I started to paint my house and plant flowers. However, I'm very short and was unable to finish the top of my house! Then, Friday it snowed and killed all of my flowers that I bought and planted. Also, we discovered that our toilet is about to fall through the floor! And our water heater is broken.

So, I decided to bribe Andrew to come paint the top windows on my house. Hopefully, this will improve the outside! I will post pictures as soon as I finish the work.

My goal is to help make-over this house this summer. And get rid of the name "crack house."


I started the book "The Shack" a few weeks ago but found myself unable to finish it because I didn't agree with some aspects of the book.

But, a few weeks ago I bought "Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper

intense.

I have not gotten very far but it's a very convicting book that really makes me question motives and goals and life in general. He is very blunt and often uncomfortable.

very uncomfortable.

I suppose I should read it before I encourage others to read it! So, I plan on spending a lot of time reading, thinking, and relaxing this week....even in the midst of chaos.

You should read "SexGod" by Rob Bell
It's Amazing.

Well, I suppose I will attempt to boycott school for about 30 more minutes.

So, I'm going to read.




"All heroes are shadows of Christ."